Your Leading Brain - Forgiveness

I am not sure why the idea of forgiveness entered my mind during the offsite I facilitated recently. I was working with a group of senior executives who were facing layoffs as a result of a merger. Mergers have happened, and will continue to happen; it seems as if executive or corporate life will continue to be defined by them for some time to come.

The room was full or people who had never experienced a merger before. In equal numbers, some had. Predictably, the more experienced (albeit weary) executives were less reactive and somewhat more subdued emotionally.

I had gotten up at 445 am that morning before the offsite. There was a local YMCA near the hotel, and I found my way there to swim. In the dark morning, in the cold, tramping my way to the pool, I realized that if I didn't have a race goal in August, I would never have made the effort.

Half way through my set of 2K, I was faltering. Sometimes swimming feels like you are climbing a ladder, sometimes it feels like you are batting at gnats. Today, I was batting, and climbing out of the pool about 48 minutes later, I felt sorry for myself. I admit it. I was a few minutes off my normal time, and everyone had been passing me, on each side, in every lane.

So during a break in my facilitation, when the group was processing some things in more personal and smaller groups, I stared out the window and thought about the swim.

There are ways to put yourself out there in sports. There are ways to hold back. Swimming and learning to swim has been a challenge for me. I have run since I was 11 years old, but only swam for 18 months, and it doesn't come naturally.

What I have learned from swimming is that it is a real metaphor for challenges in life for me. That morning, as I reflected on the swim, I thought about challenges in general.

In swimming, you can go half way in terms of effort. You can complain to yourself, because it's just you in the water, immersed. Your thoughts are very present; there's little to distract you. And when you're working hard, you can feel sorry for yourself, especially if you slip backwards against a goal. And then you can rationalize, that it was the day, the length, how tired you were, or whatever you tell yourself relative to your own performance.

I looked at the group that morning, and I was impressed. They were earnestly talking about this great change they were leading, and with my prompting, discussing some of their feelings, and how they wanted to be remembered as leaders. We were connecting, and working through how to lead, and how to be human, and how to help others adjust.

And then it hit me: forgiveness.

In executive life, you can get bruised a great deal. You strive for roles or positions, some you get, some you don't. You seek support, or you remain an island. If this happens repeatedly, if you feel burned by your experiences, there is a tendency to withdraw.

When there are major changes in your role in corporate life as a leader, leaders can also withdraw. They can be "half in," in terms of their engagement. They can forget to lead. They can rationalize that they are too busy, or too overwhelmed.

The point we were discussing that morning was how to stay fully in, fully engaged as leaders, even as we are struggling with our own reactions to change. We discussed ways in which we could stay resilient in the face of something that felt like a disappointment (in oneself) or a transgression (against oneself).

See http://www.apahelpcenter.org/featuredtopics/feature.php?id=6

I realized that morning that I had only been half in the pool. Sure, I was in the water. But I was distracted, and feeling sorry. I wasn't fully engaged, I wasn't fully trying. When someone passed me in the lane, I just watched them go.

The group of executives regrouped. We discussed ways and means to honor our fatigue, and to stay in the game. We struggled with our thoughts and reactions, sure, but we put in the effort. We got somewhere. We got some place good, better than we had been before. The effort matched the outcome.

I thought about my next swim.

Gritty Training Log - May Schedule

To see this training log in larger detail, just click on the image. Please do not attempt to replicate these workouts; these are customized for me. They give you some idea of the build up for an IM. If you're interested in a similar event, please consider hiring a coach with certification to train you properly. As always, seek the assessment of a physician before engaging in any vigorous physical activity.